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[21 Jan 2005|10:25pm] |
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i made a new live journal
taken_incontext
check it out...
good bye punkrokbl0ndie journal!
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[19 Jan 2005|04:16pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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so the long weekend was cool
friday:tye-dyeing
saturday:andy
sunday: heath's house n cd burning
monday: dinner with rita, crook, n heath... sum ddr... and ritas crazy frosty car that we got locked out of, if thats what youd say that was lol
im all confused cuz we had monday off and i keep thinking today is tuesday. arg.
EYE DISECTION in anatomy 2mrw! ahhhh!
ser and estar test in spanish 2mrw... should b a 50/50 test, ill wing it, watev.
hmmm im bored, should be studying but ill do that laterr.
im sad cuz i cant call schow n talk to her cuz she is living with heath for acouple days... im kinda jealous lol
im also getting mad at the fact that my mom wont let schow drive me to school in the morning... the bus is so pointless and a big waste of time.
i wanna see andy again soooooooon, i miss him <3
::ponders whats to do friday night with those sluts:: <3
im gunna go watch tv cuz i dont feel good and theres nothing else to do :-/
comment and make me happy!!! pleaz?!
:-*
(dont ask whats up with all the smily faces... idk lol)
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| feeling very emo right now... |
[16 Jan 2005|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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every feeling contratdicted
your wasting your time,
i hear that everyday.
why i wait, i dont know
is it worth it?
you tell me.
so hard to let go
and so hard to stay
when every decision you make hurts me in the end
you are my best friend
why must you make this so complicated?
you make me so happy
and devastate me at the same time
i've grown to hate the word commitment
cuz you make it so hard
it means staying with someone
for always and forever
and i feel bad for all the girls
that choose to fall in love with you
because they seem to have no idea
about me
and
about you
which just makes me feel bad for myself
im in this so deep
that it would be pointless
to give it all up now
after we've been through so much
if there was a book about you
i could read it a million times
and still not understand you
i am who i am
don't judge me for it
im sick of that
i guess you see something in me too
but why me
why go through all of this
just to end up in the same place again
with me
we will never stop
and we'll keep going in cirles
until you can overcome your fears
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| yeah... |
[15 Jan 2005|09:01pm] |
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mood |
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 devious |
] |
so... lj's been messed up lately huh?
yesterday was awesome...
crooks + sluts that drive + tye-dying shirts + sleepover= sickness
plans got messed up with andy.... i thought he blew me off cuz he didnt answer his phone but i guess he was home the whole time just his phone got unplugged.... rrriiigghhhttt
but i got home today and expected to have nothing to do all day but i called andy and we hung out... and we might get to hang out here 2mrw which would be chill cuz its our "one year" 2mrw lol
i gotta do my final projects for the daycare and exercise phys. this weekend... i think im screwed for the ex. phys. one but we'll see if my group can pull it together.
monday i heard we are going out to eat with everyone... thad be sik... let me know whats up with that laterz...
i really wanna go skiing/snowboarding... i cant wait till i can.
alright, im out for tonight.
byee
OMG
P.S.!!!! lol i was playing DDR MAX2 at andys and he unlocked a whole shit load of songs including End Of The Century which is my FAVORITEST SONG EVER!!! i must go buy it... i mean ddr extreme is pretty sick but ddr max2 has all the classics so itd b good to own.
okay im done lol
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[10 Jan 2005|03:19pm] |
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mood |
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hungry |
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wow.
i need to stop bitching and complaing in my lj
and i need to stop updating it so much
cuz thats all i do
and its sad and prolly really boring for u guys to read.
so no more of that....
i go now
bye
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[08 Jan 2005|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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why does this all have to be so hard and complicated???
cant we just fix it and move on please?
cuz im sick of repeating all this
i cant take this time of hurt anymore... things need to be good again soon
and if they're not gunna b then im not sure how long i'll wait cuz thats all i do
wait
all this just makes me wanna leave... i think of all the people that think i should
then i think, and dwell on all the good times... and think of the good times to come
and i think that i dont want to throw all that away
all the wasted tears... the tears that i am crying right now because and i cant even look around my house and not think of you because you've made such memories here... in every single frickin room
i need to know from you that everythings gunna be okay...
i need to see you and hold on to you now more than ever...
i hate you
i love you
i miss you
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[07 Jan 2005|04:32pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
well i guess being sick and grounded isnt that bad cuz i dont even feel like goin anywhere anyways.... its just that fact that i cant bugs me.
didnt go to skool 2day... rented sum movies... played sum san andreas... which i finally figured out how to play! yes i know im blonde wat did u expect?! lol
kinda pissed... andy never called me yesterday to watch the oc with me :-(
the oc was awesome last night, let me just say.... "stealth!!!" lol and i almost cried at that whole marissa part.
::YOU MAKE ME SO MAD::
everythings NOT okay and i wish it was... idk wat to even think anymore but it just might be me overanalyzing things... you say u dont want to loose me and u kno i want u to make this up to me but your not doing a very good job of that right now.
with every phone call i make to u i always end up feeling worse afterwards... like u didnt even want me to call. we need to hang out so that maybe with a hug or a kiss i can know that we're okay... mayb Monday????
i wish i could make everything okay but thats not my job right now is it?
um no its urs.
i cant wait till u read all this... cuz i know i wont get thru to u over the phone
???PLEASE MAKE ME FEEL BETTER???
somebody call me or come visit me this weekend and save me from this house!!! PLEASE!!!
:'-(
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| GRRRRR |
[05 Jan 2005|03:41pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
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well life just fuckin sucks balls right now
my mom just decided to tell me TODAY that i'm GROUNDED this week when i asked if i could go snowboarding with andy on sunday.... which she already said i COULD go but she just had to change her mind
so yes
i cannot go anywhere at all friday/this weekend
and i plan to annoy the shit out of my parents just to mayb get a lil even with them
my mom is such the hypocrit
shes all like OMG its against the law to drive other ppl around and u dont even care so im gunna ground u when she let me do it twice!!!
and let me just say that i've NEVER been grounded in my life so this sux even more.
i am sick.
its not fun
i really really dont wanna go to skool 2mrw cuz i almost died today when i went and i just wanna have another absence cuz i kno it'll piss my mom off. 0:-)
im also very very mad... at andy... for breaking my heart... and i think if he does anything to hurt me when we're on this retarded "break" thing it'll just push me over the edge... otherwise im fine ... or i will be fine as long as he makes this up to me and nothing with us changes.
one good thing tho... i have money... lots of it... and theres so much i wanna do with it but im thinkin what i really should do is put it all in the bank until i gotta buy my contacts and if theres any extra then ill spend that... but it is oh so hard to part with my $ ::tear::
ok enough for today... im gunna go and try not to kill my mom...
byee
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| i have no my words of my own for this needed entry so ill just repeat the lines of brand new |
[03 Jan 2005|10:33pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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Me:
We were doomed from the start, as lovers are. Why am I doing this? Digging my own grave. Though it's shallow, I would lie in it. We're down in the basement, in the dark, after we crash your car.
Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.
I need the smell of summer, I need its noises in my ears.
Collect calls to home to tell them that I realize that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone.
If you're leaving, just let me know.
Some rules are made with all intentions to break
Out of cash and I owe. I got you. Desperate desires and unadmirable plans.
***I am heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
I am the cause to all your problems.
Shelter from cold.
We're never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew.
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore
It's so hard to have someone to love.
Keeping quiet is hard.
Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.
We're consentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.
Were so contraversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth.
We are the best at what we do.
It hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.***
You:
If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart. Cause it's all you can be. You're a drunk and you're scared.
Trying hard for this. We all have sizeable scars. We got it. You'd break it all apart. We got it. We can make it work like this...
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i
am
torn... along with a million other things right now.
</3 why? </3
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[01 Jan 2005|06:32pm] |
look at me bitchin and complaining....
happy new year everybody!!!
its been one hell of a year
i could list all the awesome memories and all the bad ones but that would take
FOREVER
*lets just hope this year will be an even better one*
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| i a mess..... like nobody's buisness.... and im just gunna come out n say it |
[01 Jan 2005|05:23pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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wow
so
new years eh?
yesterday (when i say yesterday i mean from like yesterday morning all the way to right now lol) was awesome and bad at the same time.
so chris.... yes chris... and his girlfriend Andrea and andy came to pick me up yesterday and it was a long interesting day of riding around and well getting stoned.... i mean we were with chris... wat else would u expect. and i think its funny cuz we all hate amanda now.
then andy came over and we had pizza and watched tv in my room and we just kinda lied there and enjoyed the moment. and then when the time came we went to crok pots... for a new years eve get together/ sleep over for me and a few other sluts.
i was so happy that i actually had the one i loved there with me when the count down happened so that i could kiss him at midnight.
i know he was glad to be there with me but he wasnt having the best time seeing that i was the only person there that he could really talk to and i wish i could have made the night better but i couldnt and thats why i'm sorry
i have a lot of making up to do
i didnt sleep last night
at all
i kinda just lied there thinkin that andy was there with me but he wasnt
then crooks brother n ppl came in and woke us all up while we just stayed there with our eyes shut cuz we knew they were standing there looking at us when they said "haha look at all my sisters friends asleep already!"
ok and then crook and heath said the funnies things....
i was awake and they were talking in their sleep and crook goes
"you only speak english in english class"
and heath goes
"no kidding!"
omg it was the funniest thing ever and i was the only one who heard it lol
then we spent the rest of the day chillen...
went to the mall to get mo's braclet fixed
then went to Newbury Comics and me n heath got the sicket, hottest, biggest poster ever of Brad Pitt from fight club holding the bar of soap and its in black n white
went to mcdonalds n then bak to heaths
i went home
flipped out for and hour.... or at least thats how long it took me to calm down
i felt bad about last night, i thought andy was wicked mad at me, my mom wouldnt let me go see him so he ended up wasting his time on nothing like usual cuz my mom always ruins my plans. i felt like shit. im mad at myself. im mad at the way i am but i guess i shouldnt be cuz obviously andy sees something in me and so dont my friends.
speaking of my friends
i love them
i know that i can tell them anything but most of the things i would say i have a feeling that they wouldnt want to hear it so i guess some things are just better left unsaid lol
oh yes and i also officially cant stand labels... i dont want to be called a prep, i hate that. im not anything i wear whatever the hell i like and ppl shouldnt define u by that.
SLC punk is an amazing movie even tho kevin ruined the end for me lol
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind or w/e its called was also cool but i need to watch it again to undstand it all. lol
i need to go
my dinner is on the table
even tho my stomach feels hollow and empty and im not really hungy
andy,
i love you
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| HELP ME!!! |
[30 Dec 2004|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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worried |
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so yeah instead of doing a normal entry im just gunna freak out right now....
2mrw
is
new
years
eve
@
crooks
and ANDY IS COMING!
but he has no ride home seeing that we're all sleeping over and yeah... lol
somebody help me out!!!
please?
ill b ur friend forever!
promise!
:-/
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| dfkhbglsidbgjv;soidgbvjus;odvjgu |
[20 Dec 2004|07:24pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
got my lisence in the mail today
the pic of me is bad but oh well
i am now officially obessed with MSI
i cant fuckin wait till christmas/new years
everythings runnin through my mind so fast right now that i cant focus on anything but im in a wicked good mood... well a crazy mood... yeah
...some things are just not coincidence...
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| i heart driving <3 |
[17 Dec 2004|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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i'm good, very very good.
i am the happiest i have been in such a long time thanx to andy,
and my lisence lol
i drove everywhere tonight all by myself for the first time...
well except at andys house when we went for a drive and his mom flipped out on us...
oops
0;-)
its so kewl but i def need my own car
::sigh::
that won't be for a long while... but i think i can live
so lets see this weekend... what am i doing...
oh wait!
im doing absolutly nothing!!! its okay tho cuz i need mucho sleep and mucho study time for spanish.
okay, enough for now...
<33 much love
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[15 Dec 2004|05:38pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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i heart livejournal stalking <3
also i am officially combining the words 'with' and 'the' to "withe"... its just so much easier to write.
why do i have to care so much?
why cant you tell me EVERYTHING?
why do other girls have to make me so jealous?
it really bothers me but on the other hand if i really didnt care then i really would never know anything and i'd prolly end up getting hurt worse in the end.
idk why i am saying this all right now cuz im wicked happy and i heart u so much and i know i need to chill and i know i shouldnt be jealous but
GRRRRRRRR.
i go eat food now and call schow. then i feel better.
bye.
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[14 Dec 2004|02:26pm] |
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mood |
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hungry |
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holy shit guys i got my lisence!!! ...yesterday lol
and schowface did too! omg if u werent there schow i dunno wat i would have done!!!
i got my hair cut yesterday 2
and i went over andy's <3
it was a good day
i cant wait till christmas!!!
new years eve rave? i think so.
degrassi season finale?! madre que? and schows gunna miss it!!! ahh
but yea whos house r we goin to?
im done
good day
::i heart ::him:: so much!::
hehe
okbye
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| o.m.g. |
[12 Dec 2004|12:28pm] |
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mood |
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shocked |
] |
wow
never assume that things won't happen to you in life
never say wow that would never happen to me in a million years
because it could
i dont know how to deal with this
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[11 Dec 2004|12:39am] |
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mood |
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YOU ALL NEED TO CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE RIGHT NOW AND SEE PIX FROM THE WBRU BIRTHDAY BASH CONCERT!!!
http://www.wbru.com/gallery/35thBirthdayBash
sry andy, no pix of you n adam's lil moment lol
i think its time for sum sleep now ;-)
<33
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| <3 im taken |
[10 Dec 2004|11:51pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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:-) i r is very happy.
i love you andy so much and it feels good to be able to say that again!
this time around should be good but i know it'll be quite the ride.
<33
and rita's awesome
and she drives us places
and im not feelin to good from that frosty but it was yummy yum yum.
::freaking out:: about monday...
<3 feel better mo!
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| hey its the truth, sry, i needed to vent, this is to you and you know who you are <3 |
[06 Dec 2004|03:36pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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wow.
i really dont need this right now.
you are my only problem and for some reason i cant let you go.
everyday is like a fucking rollercoaster ride, one minute im content and the next i am furious.
yes im jealous
yes i have to know everything
im sorry if you dont like this but its just my nature.
you said that you've been more crazy lately and that just fuckin hit me like a brick last night.
you like me, i know this, you dont want to loose me, i know this too, but yet u feel the need to brag to me about all the girls that flirt with you and rub it in my face that you're single.
you know that i like you, i told you that i dont care if u do something stupid and hurt me, im used to it... so you dont need to be afraid of hurting me...
there are a million reasons why i should give up on you but for some reason i am determined to have you. i cant let you go. i know that if there wasn't something special there that i would have givin up a long fucking time ago.
you must be really stupid... cuz i dont think you can see whats right infront of your face. do u know what that is???
its me.
i have and will always love u no matter it be on a friendship level or boyfriend/girlfriend level.
i forgive you for everything.
i dont care if u hurt me cuz i know ur just messed up like that.
i will never give up on you u no matter wat u do, ill always be here.
i would have liked to say this all to your face but i wouldnt have been able to spit it all out and i prolly would have forgetten to say half of it.
im writing this because im mad at you, i miss you, and i <3 u.
i hope you can get some balls and just ask me out.
ive been waiting for you to ask for a long ass time.
i cant count the number of times you've gone to ask me out and u just never finished your sentences.
im sorry if when u read this it all comes off in a bad way, i dont mean for it too, i just had to get it all off my chest.
we were supposed to hang out today.
you werent home.
i guess ill spend another night sitting and waiting for you to answer your phone because i cant go to sleep without talking to you.
especially tonight.
love kate<3
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